I loved you before I knew you. Just the thought of you made me weep. Feeling you move made me smile. Seeing you grow filled me with excitement. Every little accomplishment made me proud. This was a love like no other and no other would ever compare.

So how is it now that most days you struggle to see my love? You stopped trying to make me proud. You stopped growing in mind and body. You no longer reach for the stars.

Your content in this altered reality. Escaping any tangible moments. Avoiding any real feelings. Your elusive and disappearing right in front of me as I am to you.

I miss your smile. Your genuine laughter. I miss your enthusiasm for life. Every little era you walked through you finished in a sprint.

I miss what we would have had now. What we won’t have later. So much has been affected and will be because of one bad decision. One that can’t be erased. Won’t ever be forgotten. Will loom as a constant reminder of what has been taken and left with.

I wonder if you ever miss me? Miss seeing my smile when I look at you. My laughter when you do something funny. My tears when you make me proud. The one who had enthusiasm for your life. The one who cheered you onto every victory. The one I was and would have been now.

I miss us! The happy, fun-loving mother and son. Laughter leaping from one to the other. Contentment and joy filling our hearts. Anticipation for tomorrow and what that will bring.

I miss our lives! I miss you! I miss me!!!