Where do emotions meet reality?
Once hand in hand now they these two have gotten twisted and confused. Happy good thoughts are over-shadowed with dark, scary feelings.
Facing uncertain outcomes, they play against each other, distorting what is real into what I perceive.  Once optimistic now i realize everything is not possible.
Its such a mind game, and I know its all in my head. Reality is the truth. Emotions are consequences. Distinguishing between the two is not easy, and when you’ve dealt with addiction, this is sometimes hard to discern.
Mothers usually follow their hearts. We were created to comfort and nurture. When addiction forces us to go against nature, we are the ones left disoriented. With our life unrecognizable, we are lost. Not knowing which way to turn, we grasp and fall into our loved one’s world. Trying to save any part of them, we have lost ourselves.
I did not realize I was lost until I was so deep in I did not know how to get out.
It’s only now that I realize the only way for me to face reality is to ignore my emotions. I almost have to look at my sons when they are in their addictions as if they are not my sons — bringing clarity and a better vantage point of what to do. It takes the emotions out of logic. Easy to say, not so easy to do, and I haven’t been able to master this yet, but I keep going one foot in front of the other, trying to stay afloat of this ever raging storm that continues to grow in my mind.