Is it ok to expect a “normal” life at some point when you have addict children? Lately, I am struggling with wanting peace. I am starting to run from drama where usually that would be my signal to charge in and fix.
Sixteen years of addiction, finances, relationships impacted, and some ruined. Health issues, mental and physical lying, manipulating, stealing, cops, jail, and on and on and on. When is enough?
I think I have finally hit my limit. I know this is what we all work towards either in Alanon or with a counselor. We strive for the day we are ok with stepping aside and putting us first. Letting their consequences be theirs and not our outcome.
Why does there have to be a choice me or them????
I remember early in my son’s addictions, where I was bouncing back and forth from one to the other — trying to fix, not knowing what to do — motherly instinct fighting against common sense.

One day I went home after one of my son’s had called me cause he left drugs in my coat pocket and I wore that coat to work. I quickly raced home to get rid of it. My common sense said, flush it!! But when my son called and said he had to have it back because who he owed it to would come looking for him I gave it back no questions. When he left, i completely fell apart. I couldn’t stop crying. Never went back to work. Wanted out of all if it but not knowing how. I’ve had so many days like that since but it has taken me all this time to realize this was not supposed to be my life, and at that time, I accepted that and thought I had no choice. Now I see there was always a choice.
And those choices should not based on their presumed reactions.
I should be free to say NO, I cannot and will not accept this anymore. Is it ok to be alone in peace than to be distressed together?
I suppose each of us has to figure that out for ourselves. The key is to not judge ourselves so harshly for wanting that right. I will never leave my son’s. I love them no matter where they are in addiction or recovery, but I want my life. I don’t need the constant stress. Don’t want the all-consuming anger nor the round the clock worry. Where every minute is dictated by how they are doing, having a good day depends on whether they are or if  I can ignore everything that goes on or as usual give in so I might have a few moments of peace.
I think I have gone through enough. I have lost enough. Felt enough and have missed enough. Maybe if I permit myself to have a life they will see they can too.