If we hold on were coddling. If we let go were not supportive.  If we help were enabling if we stop were rejecting. If we give them everything, we spoiled if we limit were neglecting.
We are stuck with what to do for our children who suffer. With every turn, we make there are different perspectives. For every yes there’s a no. Every right defines a wrong. This is the most frustrating disease. There is no medicine or cure. It’s a draw of the card and to play means you will lose.
I can’t help but sit back and look at all we’ve lost in this. Fifteen years of a broken heart and endless tears and still we fight. The internal battle as strong and unfailing as it was the first day this started.
Looking back, I wonder what the most vital lesson is I have learned? I would have said before expectations. Managing your expectations to what they are or can do is very different than what we anticipated or command.

Maybe at one time, it was enabling — tough love versus loving them to death. A fine line we all walk, stumble, often fall. As we empower them in addiction they enslave us.

A lot of times, its self-care. That’s not easy. Programmed to care for them first we fight against the instinct we were born with against who we brought into this world. We both die as we try to save life.

I cannot list all the things I have learned.  Lessons are like layers — each folding over the other unveiling the next as we go.
Now 15 years later I think the answer for me. The most important I have learned is to embrace them where they are. Know your love isn’t supposed to fix but to support. I have learned to nurture without requiring. To sustain my love without demanding his.

The best gift I can give my son as he continues to struggle is to love him where he is!  In addiction or recovery.

TO HANG ON WE MUST LET GO…