Im so sorry i could’nt tough love you when you needed it. So sorry i followed you in thinking i was protecting you but in all honesty i only made you worse. Im so sorry when you got angry i got angrier. When you screamed i either shut down or yelled back. When you cried instead of telling you this would kill you, i told you it would all be ok. Im so sorry i told you id help you when i should have made you help yourself. Im so sorry i almost loved you to death.

Can you forgive my soul i sarificed for yours. The money i handed over to your cause. The time i gave to the disease. The tears i shed on behalf of you. The anger i spewed in place of you. The battle i fought without you. Can you forgive the weakness i showed when you needed strength. The hand up when you needed to reach farther. Can you forgive the life i surrendered for you.

Please dont judge me for being a friend when i should have been a parent. For trying to calm by joining the chaos. For hindering when i should have been healing. For trading comfort for brokenness. For allienating when i couldn’t empower. For sheltering when i should have stopped hiding.

Please love me for trying when i wanted to give up. For loving you when you hated me. For loving you in it instead of through it.  Please love me for just being your mom because i will always love you for just being my son!!!

To hang on I must let go