How do I live my life when my sons life is so messed up? How can I be happy when he is so miserable? Everyday is a struggle to separate my emotions from his. Give myself permission to stay in my present not his. Accept these consequences are not mine to suffer but his. Everyday I live in perpetual stress and drama. Some self induced but none the less it’s life altering trying to step out of this 3 ring circus that plays out daily.
Even when I tale myself out of the immediate chaos my mind still participates in the havoc. I can’t escape the questions. What if ? Should I ? Could I ?
Its as debilitating as the addiction itself. Deciding you’ve done all you can and have to take a step back is terrifying. Leaving him behind feels selfish. Putting trust in him that with me out of the way he’ll do the right things is horrifying. My conclusion loving him may mean losing him.
It’s complete torture to have to decide between your own sanity and there will. To hope they will make a right decision and wether they do or not you have to step back. I don’t know what could be worse. Putting there lives or yours in there sick hands.
Im struggling today. Screaming inside for him to hear me but staying silent in the face of his addiction. Hoping through my quiet he will hear his own voice whispering to fight.
To hang on we must let go!!
Letting go is devastating, and then when my daughter died my feelings of helplessness continue I still feel continually stressed about the should have dones and now is to late and the guilt is overwhelming I feel guilty on the days that are good I am raising her 2 children and when we are having fun I feel terrible but try not to let kids see , everyday and every moment of the day is a struggle for me
I’m so sorry. I am at my end to know what to do. Or how to go on. And should I lose him idk how I’ll
Do that. My prayers are with you. God bless you and I hope you get some peace. ❤️