When my oldest went to prison I thought I would never get through those 4 years. My first thought when I heard the feds got him was they just took our lives away I remember falling to my bed and immediately asking God why? Everything went blank. I was in shock and completely desperate. How was he? where was he? How could this happen. How could God forsake him?

A lot of praying and crying happened in the next few days. Holding on as tight as I could till I thought I would lose my grip. Then I received the only thing that would keep me strong. His voice “mom i’m ok”

In the coming weeks I got a sense of peace I cannot explain. It was as if I knew something before anyone else. Like God whispered in my ear ” don’t worry this will all be ok” it was such a strong feeling I could do nothing but trust it.  I would tell my sons during this time “no matter what  don’t let anyone or anything keep you down “always get back up”

Always get back up became our saving grace. We hung onto this moto with all we had… Rule 10!! became our lifeline to each other.  Every letter we ended with Rule 10! a constant reminder we would always stand back up. Nothing would keep us down or make us ashamed.

And so there we all went into 4 years of following him from county to county. Jail to jail. then prison. In every way God had us. Every step taken was in our favor although hard not to wonder how prison could be in our favor it was something I never questioned. There was always moments to be thankful for. Memories still being made. Growth and steps being taken to a better life. My son was the example to all of us on how to take a situation that could have been unbearable and handle it with grace. He showed me patience and strength. He never complained or felt sorry for himself. No matter how unfair what he went through was,  he took it as a lesson that enriched his life and taught him things he would not have learned otherwise. Made him appreciate what we take for granted and removed him from a world he was headed into that he maybe wouldn’t have made it out of. . He took him to save him. Out of that 4 years came a life he may have never had.

He stood up where most would fall. He is why we have Rule 10 today and I still follow it and think of it every time I want to fall down and not get back up!! When I pound my fist on the walls and cry in my pillow, I think of my son and God reminds me Rule 10!!! the example he gives me through his son is my very own son. In so many ways God used a familiar face to help me move on and move through one of the most painful  yet most enriching experiences of my life.

Today I am still facing painful experiences. I wonder why and when god will deliver us from this familiar demon but there in my darkness God is reminding me as I did mine those 4 years,  “always get back up” Rule 10!!!

To hang on we must let go!!!