The thought of being a mom was all you ever wanted and was finally coming true. Then one day motherhood became a daily battle waging war in the innermost instincts of your heart and mind.

Sleepless nights, constant feedings, diapers, spit up. Uncontrollable crying, unsure of your abilities as a mom. You begin to wonder where is the rewarding experience everyone talked about? Why can I not see the beauty In what we created???

Then one day you walk into the nursery and he smiles and reaches for you and as unexpectedly as everything up till this point was you smiled back and felt the bond you had been nurturing. Suddenly you saw the beauty and could feel the love that was there the whole time only hiding under a disguise of fear.

Fast forward to now. You cringe at the very sight of him. Every brash word, every verbal and physical attack you look for the child you once knew. With every catastrophe and the constant chaos that ensues your very core shakes and pleads with God, WHY????

Then one day God answers.

My Dear Carol

I gave you a son. I didn’t promise it would be easy. I never said you would not hurt . I’ve tried to pull you back and you pushed your way through. I gave him chances for great testimonies but you hide every trial. I brewed storms onto his path but you sheltered him with your umbrella. I steered him into consequences but you took those for yourself.

I’ve tried over and over to show him my face but you shield his eyes. I’ve cried out to him but you covered his ears. With every outstretched of my hand you pulled him closer so no one else could touch him. With every attempt I’ve made to show him my love your love was in the way.

My Dear Carol….

One day he will reach for you and you both will smile and the bond that has always been there will shine through out from under the disguise of fear and the love with all its beauty will once again as unexpectedly as everything has been up to this point will be there and you will see the beauty of which I created.

To hang on we must let go….