Laying in bed and trying to relax from a busy weekend and I hear an all too familiar sound—yelling and slamming of doors. My quiet, peaceful night Is interrupted by arousing anger. I half expect this to happen. It’s never a surprise, yet as soon as I hear chaos, I start to shake inside. My mind starts racing. Is it just a bad night? Is this a problem I will need to fix?
Is all hell about to break loose?
I don’t even want to know as I’m trying so hard to let others handle their issues, but I can’t help but be so paranoid I feel I need to jump in and fix whatever has begun. Stop it before it becomes a snowball out of control.
I decided just to let be whatever it is and try to work on myself and my need to get involved in anything and everything that goes on. I ask myself, is anyone asking for your help right now?
Does this involve you? How can I create a calm environment amid turmoil? Of course, my tactic to accomplish this is not rocket science.  I move to the farthest area of my home from the disturbance, turn the tv up as loud as I can stand it, turn my phone face down, ringer off and pretend I’m on another planet far far away. Scared, I may still see the light on my phone illuminate I turn away and face the other direction.
I am now holding safe. Or so I thought!
As I lay there a slave to circumstance, I ask myself, who is really safe? Is it possible to create a safe zone among the distress this always causes me? Then it hits me by cutting off all my avenues of the outside world. I am keeping myself a victim. This isn’t my drama, yet here I lie quivering inside at the slightest movement that may mean I will have to confront a situation. Face a long night of stress, Put on the mask of confidence. Cry behind the smile.
So torn between wanting to turn the tv down, check my phone, walk outside see if the moment has passed yet not wanting to get pulled in, I suddenly noticed time had passed by. So caught up in my self induced prison in my mind; I hadn’t realized nothing was going on. Whatever had happened had subsided. No one needed me. My fear was unnecessary.
How quickly I can go from peace to panic. This is a mom who has dealt with too much!! So many of us do, and my hope is one day we can stay in our peace no matter what panic may try to rear its ugly head.

TO HANG ON WE MUST LET GO…..