16-years ago when my kid’s drug addictions started the focus on any other relationship fell by the wayside. Luckily my husband and I had a strong marriage and went into this problem together. We each had strengths in different areas. I was the one who wanted to take on as much as I could for them, more understanding of the disease aspect of it. My husband was the one to tough love, make them accountable. Both had a purpose and purposely correct at different times. To no fault of my son’s addictions that marriage failed yet to this day, we still parent together much in the same way as we did then. I have had to learn tough love. let them carry their responsibility he has at times had to be more flexible, softer in his approach. Regardless we have learned how to support each other’s roles and respect the difference. We were then and continue to remain favored in this unconditional support we can have with one another.
Fast forward to today and trying to pave the way for a new relationship. I find myself on the other side of the coin. I am the tough love, less adaptable in what I will tolerate. My soon to be husband is where I was then — still trying to love and support with little boundaries.
This has provided me a unique standpoint — another opportunity to learn.  As I watch, I recall where I was. How far I’ve come and how frustrating this must have been for my loved ones watching my struggle. Now I’m the one standing back, watching the person I love and respect being treated with less than that.
I’m learning to abstain from controlling; I told you so’s and unsolicited advice.  No matter how true the words they cut deep. — And each of us has to accept these terms in our own time.
Observing from this angle reassures me how far I have come, but how much improvement is still needed. It gives me empathy for all those who stood against me out of love. Giving me loyalty most of the time did not mean agreeing with me.  I can now appreciate the fight they had.

Trying to build a foundation for marriage with someone else choices interfering and often hindering yours is not easy.
I see this as my final step in putting my life, my choices first. Not sacrificing my child or expecting him to do that it does put in perspective where our goals and focus should be.
As hard as I have fought for my son, I have to fight for me and my life, and that continues to be a puzzle I’m working every day.
I am so thankful for the people that have entered my life or have been there throughout the whole battle. Each has taught me lessons. Valuable teachings I couldn’t show myself.
For my soon to be the husband as we walk, sometimes drown in the waves of uncertainty, of it all….I hope that I am providing the same for you.

C. and JB. and so many more Thank you for the continued support And for not letting me walk alone.