Why do I focus on my son’s addiction so much? As if that’s the only problem. Even if he got clean and figured out what he needs to do to live a sober life I would still have my problems within his addiction. Just because the addiction is absent doesn’t”t mean the effects of it is. In my struggle, it was my own problems that led me to be such an important asset to my boys in their addictions. It was my need to be the best parent and my illusion of what that looked like. I never wanted them to face anything alone because I did. I wanted them to always have me behind them, supporting them and somehow down the road I stepped in front and stop letting them handle therefore stopped them from learning how to. It was my NEED to be the fixer and my want to not ever see them suffer that helped contribute and make this disease what it is today. 

I now live with the guilt and fear of what I help create.

Today I am asking God to walk me through my own self realization and forgiveness.