Choices are not always so clear when your dealing with a loved ones addiction. Whether to help or not help and what kind of help is appropriate? Most of the time we don’t know where to start. What is the first step? Lots of times we have tried everything over and over only to fail and they return to what they know.

So how do we help? You obviously try rehab first. Unfortunately rehab are limited. It’s a lot of intense therapy, group sessions, parent meetings , detox all pushed into a short amount of time. If your lucky you may get the full 30 days of treatment. Although most insurance wont allow that. So your fight starts there. A couple of weeks in and you start to see the difference in your baby and you start to have some hope. They promise this is it. They will never go back to using and you enter into a false sense of security that you have beat the beast. This will all be behind you and your family and you can go back to the happy life you once enjoyed.

Upon completion of rehab they are instructed to keep up the good work. 90 meetings in 90 days. Counseling. intensive out-patient treatment and at first all seems to be going well. Then you start to see small slips. A meeting missed here and there. Withdrawing, same circle of friends calling.  Warning flags of tale-tale signs are back. You try to ignore it thinking paranoia has the better of you  but then there’s no mistaken the bottom falls out and once again you are facing addiction head on. Full blown and this time he doesn’t want to go to rehab because “it doesn’t work”  He blames everyone but himself and of course he “can beat this”. Your back to despair. What choices do you have when your baby is clearly made the choice to go back to this life? Well first realize it ceased to be a choice the moment he relapsed. Addiction takes hold from the first second they succumb to the want. It goes from want to need in one swift decision.

What are your choices as the parent. You can try to force, plead, beg, detach with anger, and ultimately detach with love hoping that now that they are calling the shots, responsible for themselves they will hit rock bottom and want their life back. Looking back you realize that the relapsed happened way before they physically slipped. The moment their mind started to shift they were on their way. The moment they listened to the old voices they stopped hearing you. Once addiction held them close you were pushed away. No amount of reasoning or threatening will work. So again where are your choices?

I have figured out that everyday I choose to love my son regardless of this addiction. I choose to support my son with understanding despite the constant disrespect. I choose to have hope when he has no faith. I choose to be patient when he is intolerant. I choose each and everyday to not let this addiction win the one thing I can control and that is my undying tenacity to fight as long as I have to for my son.  I will not let his choices take mine. I wont let his effect mine and I wont stop having them because he is held so tightly by his.

I hope in time my son will choose a better life but for now while he fights  I choose to fight with him!

 

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