Boundaries….. What are they?? To most of us who have enabled, we don’t have a clear idea of what that is. Hence why we’re enablers. We move between loving our addicts and not loving ourselves. We don’t see who we’re hurting. Usually, it’s the people we’re trying to save—the line between right and wrong is so blurred we can’t see ourselves without them. We don’t recognize they push we pull. We won’t let go of the rope, so no one falls. Therefore no one learns. It’s too uncomfortable for us to watch them be uncomfortable. So we allow, make excuses, cover-up, and protect. We teach them to disrespect while we’re learning to disregard. Very quickly, we don’t recognize who is the real problem. They’re addiction or our co-dependency?? For year’s I struggled with this. Their failures became mine so I took full responsibility for them. Their choices became mine, so that I would fix them. Their consequences, mine too, so I suffered them. Only now can I see the mistakes I made that prevented any real recovery. The damage I supported by hindering true sobriety, loving too much but not enough. Setting boundaries that would have said I love you but love myself. I will help you by advocating for me. I will allow you to choose while I permit myself to stop. Today is very different, but the scars from years of allowing their addictions to rule my life are not far from the surface. Assessing my needs and their wants are still a struggle. Setting healthy boundaries is a war I still fight, but one that is now worth the battle. Reminding myself daily that I can only control what I won’t allow!
Boundaries….. What are they?? To most of us who have enabled, we don’t have a clear idea of what that is. Hence why we’re enablers. We move between loving our addicts and not loving ourselves. We don’t see who we’re hurting. Usually, it’s the people we’re trying to save—the line between right and wrong is so blurred we can’t see ourselves without them. We don’t recognize they push we pull. We won’t let go of the rope, so no one falls. Therefore no one learns. It’s too uncomfortable for us to watch them be uncomfortable. So we allow, make excuses, cover-up, and protect. We teach them to disrespect while we’re learning to disregard. Very quickly, we don’t recognize who is the real problem. They’re addiction or our co-dependency?? For year’s I struggled with this. Their failures became mine so I took full responsibility for them. Their choices became mine, so that I would fix them. Their consequences, mine too, so I suffered them. Only now can I see the mistakes I made that prevented any real recovery. The damage I supported by hindering true sobriety, loving too much but not enough. Setting boundaries that would have said I love you but love myself. I will help you by advocating for me. I will allow you to choose while I permit myself to stop. Today is very different, but the scars from years of allowing their addictions to rule my life are not far from the surface. Assessing my needs and their wants are still a struggle. Setting healthy boundaries is a war I still fight, but one that is now worth the battle. Reminding myself daily that I can only control what I won’t allow!