Quiet mornings to reflect on my life. Things have not went as planned but do they ever? Years of drugs with my sons have come at such a cost. i am lucky in that I still have all of them. Some parents aren’t as lucky. Challenges of now caring for my youngest who is now disabled are bittersweet. Drugs are gone. No more moment by moment fear of if and or when I’d get “that call” are now replaced with round the clock care and medications.

My sons condition is not entirely based on drugs but was made worse by them. I knew he’d have to be stopped one way or another and whether you believe in God or not I choose to believe God stepped in and stopped him and allowed us to still have him. The challenges he faces now are endless and may never recover fully but what will he learn from it?

My hope is courage! Patience! Gratitude and this maybe realization that this is not the life we envisioned but none the less still has a life and purpose. With drugs out of the way that purpose can come forward and maybe he can live for once through hope instead of despair.

My hopes and dreams for him have changed and I realize that maybe letting myself grieve for what could have been has opened new doors for new dreams. A do over the that can be more beautiful than the life we were living.

God has shown me this was not just for him. That my role in the addiction has prepared me for my role as caregiver. Challenging as it is, it’s not much different than during active addiction. Its how we meet these challenges in life that make the difference in it becoming a curse or blessing.

I have been stopped also. Forced to see my part in the curse but now allowed to be a part of the blessing. The absolution!

As we go through these dark waters I will continue as hard as it is sometimes to keep swimming. Keep my head and my sons above the surging waves of life and what that is now.

Quiet mornings are moments to reflect, accept and persevere. So we continue to let go to hang on!!